'I took cocaine every day and ended up on the brink'

A man who became so dependent on cocaine he took it every day has opened up about he was "on the brink of losing everything". Jordan was so hooked on the pricey street drug that he preferred taking it on his own - and, taking in a good wage, got hold of as much as he could afford.

He hid his drug habit from his girlfriend - taking cocaine in the 'witching hour' after he finished work but before she got home. But things spiralled out of control so badly that he faced losing his job and his home.

Now Jordan, 30, from Brighton, is celebrating 12 months of sobrietyafter seeking treatment for his addictionlast October. He admitted he never imagined reaching this point following eight years of battling cocaine dependency and 14 years of substance abuse.

He told PA Real Life: “This time last year, I was worthless, but now my life has purpose and meaning. If you’d told me this a year ago, I would have said: ‘No chance’. I didn’t see any hope… my body was falling apart. I was broken. But fast forward a year – it hasn’t been an easy year – but I’ve managed to get through it one day at a time.”

Jordan, who chose not to disclose his surname, initially turned to drugs and alcoholas a teenager following the loss of his father at 13. His remaining teenage years were consumed by depression, during which he engaged in self-harm, before encountering the stimulant mephedrone, nicknamed 'meow meow', at a house gathering.

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He said: “I knew at that moment that it was a bad thing, because I really enjoyed it. It gave me a new lease of life at that time – I made loads of friends, I was involved with everyone, and I felt really accepted and a part of everything. Drugs became a part of my life at that point.”

Jordan began frequently consuming ecstasy and mephedrone at social gatherings before progressing to daily cannabis use. By his early 20s, whilst earning a substantial salary in the sports sector, Jordan had transitioned to cocaine.

He revealed: “The issue was that I didn’t want to do it socially. I wanted to do it on my own. So it got rapidly out of hand. Suddenly, what was every weekend became five days a week, six, sometimes every day. When it was at its worst, it was literally every day, as much as money would allow me.”

The Class A substance carries numerous health dangers as it can elevate the heart rate, which may trigger seizures, heart attacks, strokes or even feelings or depression, anxiety and paranoia with frequent use. The effects of the substance only last for roughly half an hour on average.

He managed to steer clear of using cocaine at work but his free time was consumed by the substance. He'd wake up "almost itching" for it but would hold off until his then-girlfriend departed for work before meeting with his dealer.

He revealed: "I'd finish about four or five in the evening, and I knew that I would have the place to myself until about seven or eight. That period of boredom and being lonely was when my addiction really thrived, because it was (about) getting it in quickly, doing as much as I can in a short period of time, and then, when my girlfriend comes home from work, completely pretending like I haven't had anything. That is pure insanity."

Eventually, Jordan's dependency had brought him to the "brink of losing everything". He had been deceiving his mum, saying he needed money for council tax, and with other family members calling him a "waste of space", his mum was "ready to get rid of me". His girlfriend was also "just disgusted in me", he'd lost countless mates due to his unreliability and his work performance was suffering as he was constantly off sick.

He recalled: "So I was on the brink of losing everything, being kicked out, being completely jobless and homeless. There was a moment when I was looking up at the ceiling, and I thought that actually the only way out of this mess, because I was in such a big hole, I thought the only way out was to kill myself."

Despite numerous attempts to quit the drug on his own, even managing to stay clean for several weeks at one point, Jordan always relapsed without a knowledgeable support network helping him. This time, however, Jordan had had enough and reached out to a psychiatrist who directed him to an inpatient rehabilitation centre, which he agreed to enter.

Days before checking in, Jordan tried to purge the addiction from his system by using excessively and "had the most insane blowout". He remembered: "It was horrible, it was just disgusting, the levels it took me to, the darkness... just a really horrendous place to be."

After checking in to the Priory Hospital Hayes Grove in Bromley on 6 October last year, Jordan found comfort in sharing his experience with others who were in a similar situation. During his 28-day stay, Jordan managed to physically detox from his substance of choice and also undertook the emotional work to leave it behind for good.

He confessed: "My head exploded whilst I was in there, because I was coming round to the fact that I'd been suppressing all these emotions and thoughts for so many years. As you come round and sober up, you realise there's a lot going on up here.

"In recovery, I've had to do a lot of dealing with things in here, but doing it in the proper way that doesn't involve picking up a bag and getting completely out of my head. Being able to address things how they should be addressed."

Since exiting rehab, Jordan has committed to attending Alcoholics Anonymous and Cocaine Anonymous meetings at least four days a week to keep him on the straight and narrow. His personal relationships and work life have improved, and he's even adopted a puppy, as he's now living "the life I've always wanted".

He added: "I go out, I exercise and I socialise with people, I maintain friendships. Financially, things are improving. All these little things just blossom. All you have to do is just make sure that you just don't pick up that drink or drug again. Because if I do that, it will all go."

If you're worried about your own drinking or drug use – or someone else's – visit priorygroup.com/breakthechain.